WARNING: gross, disgusting, graphic gastrointestinal descriptions ahead

Bloating, burping, farting, gas pains, abdominal pains, chronic constipation and diarrhea, nausea, occasional vomiting, acid reflux, heartburn, upset stomach, general GI distress and discomfort.

Perhaps these things sound familiar to you. I lived with these symptoms for years. I could never figure out what its cause may be (until now).

I complained to my doctors. They ordered some tests. Blood work, urinalysis, fecal analysis, barium enema radiology, colonoscopy, endoscopy. Lab work always came back negative–no infections, bacteria or virus. My endoscopy and colonoscopy were normal, other than irritation and inflammation of my GI tract. There was nothing wrong with me, they said.

Then what is causing all these horrible symptoms?

My doctors would then prescribe some drugs. “This visit is over. Next patient please.” But what about the cause? Dammit, what is fucking causing these symptoms? “Shut up, take your medicine. Eat a healthy diet, and plenty of heart-healthy whole grains.”

The nausea was the worst. I could live with all the other unpleasant symptoms. Feeling like you were going to vomit all the time was horrible. It was maddening. The quality of my life was suffering. I felt nauseous several times a day, just about every day.

God dammit what the fuck is wrong with me?

Last year, as my weight gain continued, my GI symptoms got worse. It got to the point where my belly was so bloated that my gut was pushing up against my diaphragm (the muscle between your gut and lungs). This in turn made it hard to breathe. It also had the unpleasant effect of smushing my heart.

It was late last year when my heart problems began. My heart would flutter, and flip flop in my chest. It was scary. I felt like I was having a heart attack. I went to the hospital. They did tests. No, I didn’t have a heart attack. My heart was healthy and my arteries were fine. They couldn’t find anything wrong with me. OK, so why do I feel this way? What is causing this? How do I make it stop? “Get plenty of exercise and eat a healthy diet and lots of heart-healthy whole grains” they said.

Sigh. I just want to feel normal again. I want to be healthy again.

My previous posts have discussed my recent dietary changes and resulting weight loss. One of the first things I did back in January was eliminate heart-healthy whole grains from my diet.

Grains. Wheat, oats, barley, etc. “Heart healthy whole grains.” I stopped eating all cereals, granolas, breads, pastas, pizza, pies, crusts, breaded foods, muffins, cakes–anything made with wheat or flour.

After the first week I started to feel a little better–OK, this is good. After a few weeks I felt great–yay. And now, five months later, I feel better than I’ve felt in the last 10 years–fuck grains.

My GI distress is gone. I haven’t felt nausea in months. My burping and farting and gas and bloating are gone. My heartburn and gastric reflux are gone. All my unpleasant digestive issues have been resolved.

Gluten. It was gluten. The gluten that is found in grains–particularly those heart-healthy whole grains.

I first heard about gluten last year, but didn’t know what it was. This year I discovered that it is something found in grains that causes gastric distress. For some people, those with celiac’s disease, gluten can kill them. In others, like myself, gluten causes all the above symptoms I’ve described.

I am gluten intolerant, not a celiac. When I eat grains my gut rebels, but it doesn’t kill me (sometimes it sure feels like it might).

So I’m off the grains now. My quality of life has markedly improved. I don’t even miss bread or pasta. I make pizza without the crust and I eat hamburgers without the bun (wrapped in lettuce). I still get to eat great food, like grass-fed beef and pastured bacon and organic chicken with the skin!

Whenever I feel tempted to eat a slice of pizza or a bite of lasagna I remember laying on the doctor’s table with tubes coming out of my ass or shoved down my throat. I remember the way I used to feel. I remember the sleepless nights spent in and out of the bathroom. I remember the vomiting and being laid out on the floor, wondering if I was going to die.

No. I’m not going to eat grains ever again. Not if I can help it. So please don’t ask me to eat a bite of the cake you just baked–it will make me sick.

Maybe you are gluten intolerant also. If my symptoms sound familiar, and your doctors can’t find anything wrong with you, try giving up grains. Google ‘gluten’. Maybe, just maybe, your doctor has heard of it.

It worked for me.