January 1995 was a real milestone in the life of Tom Bissell. That was nine years ago. I can’t believe how much has (and hasn’t) changed since then.
First of all, that was the month I got out of jail… errr, I mean the Navy. Four years of Hell had finally come to pass. Second, that was when I moved out of Kim’s condo. Two years in an abusive relationship were finally coming to an end (it would take another 7 months before we finally called it quits). Third, that was the month that I started college at Long Beach State (well, sorta… I took a couple night classes the semester before). Lastly, that was the month I bought my first computer.
Anyone that knows me, knows that I was not a very good sailor. I hated the Navy. I could go on and on and on for several thousand pages and still not cover everything that needs to be said. Sure it had its good and bad times. I got to travel the world for free, not many people can say that. Furthermore, not many people can claim to have been to the same places I’ve been. Japan, Thailand, Singapore, Fiji, Bali, Australia, Hong Kong, Korea, Dubai, Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates, and Mexico–all in four years time. But the price, that was a different story. The loss of personal freedom was too much for me to handle. Argh, I can’t talk about it anymore. Nine years later I still have Navy nightmares. I wake up in the middle of the night. My heart is pounding and I’m covered in a cold sweat. I wake suddenly, sit bolt upright, breathing heavily. I was back on the ship. I could see it, I could smell it. All the assholes were there. Nine years later and I’m still traumatized by the relatively short experience.
I was discharged from the US Navy on January 21, 1995. That same day I moved out of Kim’s condo, where I had lived with her for six months. My relationship with Kim was not pleasant. She was a very stressed out, high strung, angry, confrontational young woman. Anyone that knows me knows right away this was a horrible match. I’m the most easygoing, free spirited guy on the planet. Being with Kim was like walking on eggshells. ANYTHING could set her off. She was in a perpetual bad mood. It was Hell. I foolishly thought that I could show her a better way to live her life. I thought I could help her. I thought I could make her happy. It wasn’t until many years and many relationships later that I finally realized this: it’s not my job to make others happy. It is YOUR job to make YOU happy, not me. I’ll never forget Thanksgiving 1994. Kim and I were arguing in the middle bedroom of my parent’s house. She thought I wasn’t listening to her. So she pushed me down on the bed, jumped on top of me, and choked me with both her hands. OK. OK. That’s when I realized there was something terribly wrong with the relationship. That’s when I started to ask myself, “Are people supposed to fight every day the way we do?” Finally in January 1995 I’d had enough. I told Kim I was moving out. And so I did.
A week later I was walking around campus at Long Beach State, going from class to class. It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I had spent the last four years of my life calling guys “sir” only because they had a college degree and I did not. They got special treatment and I did not. They got all the perks and I did not. They weren’t necessarily more intelligent than I, they just had the parchment. I always thought this was absolute crap. While listening to lectures from my superiors I would always think to myself, “You aren’t better than me. Hey, fuck you buddy. Oh shut the fuck up jackass. Blah blah blah. Eat it, bitch.” And so on, and so forth. So now here I was, on campus, free, with my intellectual peers. It was wonderful. My first major was History, then Japanese, then Computer Science, then Information Technology. Nine years later I am at Chico State, and I will graduate this semester. My major is Liberal Studies: focus Computer Science, minor in History. Next Fall I start graduate school for History. It’s been a long, windy road, but I don’t mind. I love the college lifestyle. I could do this forever.
Finally, January 1995 was the month I bought my first computer. It was an Intel 486 66mhz with a whopping 8 MB of RAM. In comparison, I just bought an Intel 3.2Ghz with 1GB of RAM. My, how technology has changed. I sometimes wonder where I would be today if I had never gotten into computers. Where would I be today if my parents had bought me that Apple I wanted so badly back in the early 1980s? It’s amazing the choices we make in life and the roads they lead us down. Who can say? “It’s all relative” my friend Brian used to say.
So nine years later here I am. Single, still in college, unemployed, and very happy. In fact I can’t ever remember a time when I was happier. This morning I got a cup of coffee at a locally owned shop and walked back to my little apartment. It is a foggy, cold, and wet day in Chico. I sipped my steaming hot coffee as I walked home and breathed in the quiet, clean air. A smile slowly crept across my face as I thought of all the poor suckers sitting in stop and go traffic on the 405.
And that’s all I have to say…
