Category Archives: Musings

Connections

Technology is cool. Computers are cool. The Internet is very cool.

My computer is my hot rod. You know how some guys spend all weekend on their cars? Under the hood, changing the oil, messin’ with the stereo and speakers, replacing the water pump? Well, I do that sort of thing too, but I do with my computer.

I’ve spent entire weekends ripping apart my computer. I’ll clean each individual part and place it back inside the case carefully. I’ll organize all the wires and make it look neat and clean. Or I’ll reorganize my network, or mess with the firewall, stuff like that.

My computer is also my pub. You know how some people go to their favorite bar after work? They relax and have a drink, chat with friends, socialize, read the paper or watch the news? Hey, I do that too, but I do it on the Internet. I like to play video games with my friends online. We chat using VOIP (voice over Internet, works like a big ol’ telephone conference call) or if we don’t feel like talking we can just type.

Hey, I’m a social guy. I just like to socialize with my friends online. My hacker buddies live all over the country, the world even. I’ve got friends in Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Trinidad, Texas… The Internet brings us all together.

My mother’s death has been hard on me. However, it’s made easier with this technology at my fingertips. I never have to feel lonely. My friends are as close to me as a few milliseconds away.

My computer hooked up to the Internet is my connection to the world, my friends, and just about everything.

A beautiful lie

I am a night person. When normal people are getting ready for bed, I’m in my prime. Midnight is usually when I feel the most awake.

I’ve been this way all my life. I’ve heard people say things like, “If I sleep too late, I feel like I’m wasting my day.” I beg to differ. If I go to bed early I feel like I’m wasting my night!

Nothing interesting happens during the day. People go to school or they go to work. Boring! Night time is when the fun stuff happens. Bars aren’t packed during the day (usually).

People are more social at night. Dinner parties, pubs and nightclubs, leisure time. Day is when you do stuff you’re supposed to do–work, school, the bank, errands…

I like the night! I’m fascinated with astronomy and the night sky–the best time for viewing is at night. I consider myself a social creature, and therefore, I prefer the night. Maybe it has something to do with being born at 8:20pm on December 29th 1971?

I also have trouble falling asleep. For some reason, when I lie down to go to sleep, my brain thinks it’s time to think. I think about my own mortality, things I need to do, past experiences, things I’d like to do in the future. Even when I’m exhausted, I still find it hard to fall asleep. Even when I’m drunk, I still can’t fall asleep right away.

When I was a kid I didn’t have a shade or blinds on the window by my bed. I remember there was this street lamp that would shine right through the window. I’d stare at that stupid light forever wishing I could fall asleep. My sisters slept in the room next to mine, and they would be asleep in minutes. But not me, oh no! I’d lay there, pissed that they could fall asleep so easily, while I lay there, wide awake for hours sometimes.

If the family was going to do something fun the next day, like on Christmas eve or if we were going camping or on vacation, I could pretty much forget about sleeping. Every so often I’d glance over at the clock–11:23, 12:01, 1:47, etc…

Every so often my sleep patterns will get really out of whack. One day I’ll sleep for like 12 hours to catch up on all my lost sleep for the week. This really fucks me. Next thing you know I’ll be going to sleep at 9am and sleeping all day. In an effort to try to get back on track I’ll try to stay awake for 24 hours. You’d think after being awake so long I’d be really tired and fall asleep right away… nope! I’ll lay there for an hour at least. Finally, after a few days of the 24 hour thing, I’ll get it right and fall asleep early, like before midnight! But this doesn’t last more than a week, and I’m right back to falling asleep at 4am and waking up at noon.

I like to sleep. When I was in high school I’d sleep my weekends away. Saturday and Sunday I rarely work up before 1pm. I really do need a solid 8 hours to be happy. Unfortunately I rarely get it. As I get older I find it harder to stay in bed. My back hurts and I need to get up. I’ll go a week or so of getting 6 hours, and then one day I’ll sleep for 12. Like last night, I fell asleep at 3am and today I woke up at 4pm. That’s 13 hours, for those of you counting. My back hurt like hell, but I managed to sleep, only waking up a couple times. I feel great right now. You know what’s going to suck though? I’ll probably be up until noon tomorrow and sleep all fucking day.

Even when I was in the Navy, and I had to be awake at 6:30am every day, I’d still stay up most of the night. We got a two hour lunch every day–we were supposed to use it for errands and excercise. However, I’d spend that 2 hours trying to sleep. Of course it would take me an hour to fall asleep. I’d get an hour nap and go back to work at 1pm.

When I worked at Activision I had to be at work at 8:30am. To get to work on time, I’d have to wake up no later than 6am. Normal people would get ready for bed around 10pm right? Not me. I’d stay up well past midnight, unable to sleep. I’d get about 4-5 hours at night and be exhausted all day. But as SOON as I got off of work I’d be wide awake and ready to party. Funny how that works eh?

When I was in the Navy and we went overseas, we’d spend a good 2 weeks out and a coupel of days in some foreign port. I’d stay out all night with my friends. Normally we wouldn’t even go to sleep, and then go straight to work in the morning. All day long I’d be absolutely worthless, even with my naps at lunchtime. All day long I’d think of how I couldn’t wait for work to be over so I could go to sleep. 5pm would roll around and all of a sudden… I’d be wide awake! I couldn’t sleep when everyone was going out! So I’d stay out all night again, and the cycle would repeat itself.

Naps. Who doesn’t love a good nap? My normal schedule is asleep at 4 and awake at noon. If I don’t get my 8, or even 6 hours, I’ll be sooo tired at around 5 or 6pm and need a good nap.

My internal clock has worked against me my whole life. It makes me miserable at times. No matter what I’ve tried, I just can’t seem to be a normal person.

Normal is boring, anyway.