I haven’t done much for Halloween since I became older than dirt (turned age 40). I’m going to be 44 in about two months. But this year I intend to hand out candy.

I’m going to sit in my driveway and bring out the fire pit. I’m going to drink adult beverages, perhaps roast some marshmallows. I’m going to leave a bowl of candy at the edge of the sidewalk for the kids.

Or maybe I’ll just leave all the lights turned off, lock up the house, and go gamble smoke and drink during prime trick-or-treat hours. Yeah, this is more likely.

Getting old sucks. I used to love Halloween.

As I kid I can remember dressing up as Darth Vader, a pirate, and others. I loved going to school because I knew that there would be no instruction on this day–it was going to be parades and candy and bobbing for apples (do they even do this any more?).

After school I could barely contain my excitement as I waited for the sun to go down. My sisters and I would meet our neighborhood friends in the street (we were playing in the street after dark!!!) for trick-or-treating and fun. Some houses wouldn’t give out candy–instead they would hand out quarters wrapped in tissue paper or roasted peanuts…I skipped those houses.

Later that night my sisters and I would have all the candy spread out on the floor. We would pick through our haul and eat our favorites first. I would eat everything that had chocolate and peanuts immediately–Snickers, Mr Goodbar, Reeses, Peanut M&Ms.

And finally I would go to bed that night with a tummyache from all the sugar I had just consumed. And my mind would be so active from sensory overload from all the day’s events. I would hear my sisters snoring down the hall and I would I wish that I could fall asleep too. But instead I would stare at that light out the window and toss and turn in my bed and think about all the candy in the kitchen.

And now I’m a 43 year old grumpy old man and I don’t eat candy any more or play dress up on Halloween. What’s a good Halloween drink? Don’t say Pumpkin Ale.

Meh.