I found my first grey hair yesterday.
I was looking at how bushy and out of control my sideburns were when I noticed a hair that looked out of place. It was way too lightly-colored to be one of my dark-beardy hairs. Upon closer examination it looked to be grey.
My heart began to thump in my chest.
“What the FUCK!” I said aloud, startling the other men in the Comcast restroom.
I got a little closer to the mirror and began to run the hair between my thumb and forefinger, thinking there may be something on it… yeah, it’s dirty, that’s it.
A sincere sense of dread came over me as I pondered this milestone in my life. Does this mean that I’m officially old? I mean, I’m going to be 36 later this month, and I knew I was getting up there. But with the appearance of this fucking grey hair I’m afraid that I might be over the hill.
I panicked.
So I plucked the fucking thing out. I held it closer to my eye to make sure that it was, indeed, a motherfucking cocksucking grey hair.
I spent the next hour examining the hair in different shades of light. I took it outside to look at it in the sun. I held it close to my computer monitor. Next to my cell phone’s LCD light. Next the window on the other side of the building. Under the light on my desk. In the break room.
I showed it to my co-workers, who promptly laughed at me. I showed it to Miriam, who also laughed at me.
Sigh.
This thing has really affected me. I’ve been fighting some irrational thoughts since yesterday. For example, I want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane now. I want to parachute. I also want to buy a motorcycle and ride it way too fast for my own good. And I’ve considered buying various dyes for my hair and beard.
Bah, what’s the matter with me?
Grey is supposed to be distinguished, or something, right? Right? RIGHT?
“I will get by, I will survive”
Deal with it. I’ve had grey for years. If it starts to bother you, dye it. At least you don’t look like Thong. 😉
Thong was grey before Aaron Maltz. It was only in the past decade where he made the transition from grey to white. Just shave your head dude…that’s what I do. It’s a good look if you got the nugget for it. You don’t wanna shave your head and THEN notice that your dome is abnormally contoured..if that’s the case, climb up to the top of All Saints and start pullin’ that rope!
Get over it ya big baby! Be happy your schlong still works. It does work right?
Also, what’s with the British spelling of ‘GRAY’?
Some boring etomology:
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Grey became the established British spelling in the 20th century, pace Dr. Johnson and others, and is but a minor variant in American English, according to dictionaries. Canadians tend to prefer grey. Non-cognate greyhound is never grayhound.
The confusion arises from the Old English word which was graeg, hence we have gray and grey, some might argue it should be graey!
Further, while (in 1930) the Times newspaper always used the term gray, other notable periodicals used grey and some British people even used grey to describe a paler tint than gray! A search through history finds both spellings in use after 1300.”
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Mr.Price….I think “Grey” comes from the old Grateful Dead Song, “Touch of Grey”…you can tell by Tom’s last line..”I will get by, I will survive”. The ONLY reason I know this is because we spent many a trip in my bus cruising down to Capitola blasting that song.
You are correct, sir! That *is* where the title of the post came from.
Ahhh, Da Bus… good times.