Haven’t felt like writing lately. I just don’t feel inspired. I feel tired, I feel beat-down, I feel defeated.

I can’t stop thinking about my mom. I feel angry about her death. I feel like she was cheated. I can hear her saying, “Hey! Excuse me? I wasn’t done yet.” It’s not fair. I just want my mom back.

The weather is changing finally, and that’s a good thing (for me, anyway). I love Fall the most. I like the longer nights, the cooler weather, the changing of the leaves. When that wind starts blowin’ in Hayward I know that Fall is here. My mom liked Fall too. She, like me, hated the heat. Thankfully we are blessed with mild Summers here in the Bay Area.

So I finally got a personal fitting for some new golf clubs. This is something I’ve been wanting to since I started playing the game way back when I was 12 years old.

You see, every set of golf clubs I’ve ever owned were stock, vanilla golf clubs. That is, golf clubs that are made for the “average” person–about 5 feet 10 inches tall. Well, that doesn’t work for me. I’m 6 feet 4 inches tall. When I swung those regular-guy clubs I had to hunch over all weird-like. As a result I’ve always sucked with my irons.

So I got fitted, and my new clubs are on the way. Extra long steel shafts, slightly tilted angle on the club face, and extra wide/large grips for my oversized paws. And here they are… I’m so excited about getting my new clubs. AND I’m very excited to play again. Finally I’m going to have some clubs that are made for ME. Now I just have to wait another week for them to come in =(

Hey, it’s after midnight and I’m still up, imagine that. I guess it’s Halloween. So, Happy Halloween.

I’ve found a classical guitarist and his name is Julian Bream. I’ve been “acquiring” the albums he’s recorded over the past few decades. My favorite so far is “Guitar for Relaxation”. I’ve fallen alseep to that album almost every night since I found it. He’s absolutely amazing. It’s so relaxing. When I listen to his albums I feel like I’m floating on a cloud. He plays the lute, too.

I went to Claim Jumper in Fremont tonight for dinner. It was a strange experience. Cindy used to work at the Claim Jumper in Long Beach. We used to go there for lunch/dinner several times a week. Everyone at CJ’s loved her. We always had fantastic food and superb service. CJ has been one of my all time favorite restaurants for a very long time. But it was an odd, sad night for me at the CJ in Fremont. I couldn’t stop thinking about Cindy. We had such good times at CJ’s in Long Beach. Sitting in the bar at the CJ in Fremont I couldn’t enjoy my meal. I just wanted to finish ASAP and get the fuck out of there.

I’m a hacker. I stay up late at night on my computer and read all your e-mail. I break into your home computer and look at your web browser’s history (90% porn, usually). I do my best pirating after 3am. I havne’t paid for a movie or an album in YEARS. I make people’s computers do magic tricks. I hack the planet.

I think I’ll go to The Bistro tonight with li’l Deb-deb. I miss my sister.

When I was 20 years old I was stuck in Japan in the Navy. I had an electric Yamaha bass. I wanted to be in a band. I sucked. I also had a crappy old classical guitar that my friend Dan found in the garbage. I could only play 5 chords. Needless to say, I sucked. I sold the bass, I still have the classical guitar.

I’ve gained 100 pounds since I graduated from High School.

I honestly don’t care if I ever shoot a deer. I mostly just like to go up to the mountains with my friends for a week and drink warm Captain Morgan’s by the campfire. Some hunting success would be nice, though. I do enjoy eating venison.

Before I die I want to spend at least a month in Egypt seeing everything I possibly can.

When I was a kid I wanted to be Indiana Jones. It’s the only thing I can ever remember wanting to be. I never wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer or a fireman or a policeman. I wanted to be Indiana Jones. I wanted to go on adventures, discover fabulous artifacts, defeat the bad guys, and in the end get the girl.

I just want to live the rest of my life in peace.

I love the rain.

I miss Chico. I was truly happy there. I should have never left.

I look a lot like my grandfather, Earl Culbertson.

I have three dots tattooed at the base of my thumb. It cost me five dollars in Hong Kong.

My laptop is one of the best purchases I’ve ever made.

I’m currently re-reading Homer’s “Iliad” for the 5th time. The Ancient Greeks were cool-ass motherfuckers.

Cindy was right. I don’t want a girlfriend. I don’t even want to date.

When my father smiles it creeps me out. I know he’s faking it.

When I was in the 8th grade some kid called me a loner. I’m still a loner.

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her, I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a 6-4 Impala.

“On The Town” is one of my favorite movies. Gene Kelly, Frank Sinatra… they don’t movies like that anymore.

I don’t care what people think about me. I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I know who I am. And I’m OK with that.