I don’t give a shit about sports. Football, basketball, baseball (especially baseball)… you know, all those team sports? I don’t care. I just. Don’t. Care.

I don’t memorize stats and player names and where they went to college and where they played their rookie year and their batting average and hoo-ha and what-hey. Worthless waste of time. I mean, what’s the point? How is Slippy McBaseball making the world a better place by playing baseball? And furthermore, how can anyone watch baseball, the most boring game ever invented? It boggles the mind. I just don’t get it.

I was bartending one afternoon years ago when Sporty Sportsnut A #1 Team Fan walked in and took a seat at the bar.

“So, can we get the game on?” he asked.

“The game? What game?” I replied.

You should have seen the look on this man’s face. Such incredulity. He simply could not comprehend that a bartender, of all people, didn’t know what Game he was speaking of. He tried to speak but no words came out.

I can’t remember the last time I watched ‘the game’. I can think of a bazillion other things I’d rather do than watch ‘the game’.

I’m just not a sports guy. My father gave up on me years ago. He used to ask me what I thought of this or that team, if I’d watched ‘the game’ the other night, stuff like that. I never knew what he was talking about. So now he never brings up anything sports related with his only son.

How disappointing that must be for him. I mean, I know I’ve given him plenty of things to be disappointed about in the past 34 years, but come on. Sports? What father doesn’t want to discuss important topics, such as sports, with his son; his only son at that?

I’m a terrible human being. Perhaps I should memorize some stats or something just to humor my father. Hmmm. Maybe not. He’d probably know I was faking it. In fact I know I would be very bad at faking being a sports guy.

And now a cartoon for you to enjoy that pretty much sums up how I feel about sports in general, courtesy of http://www.penny-arcade.com/.

[Click on the image to, like, make it blow up all big and stuff]

And no, I didn’t watch The Foot Bowl on Sunday. Not even the commercials. Not even the half-time show. And honestly I can’t even tell you who played, let alone who won.

Go Team!