It’s 2am and I’m staring at my computer screen. I’m wide awake, which is usual for me, even at this hour of the night. There’s nothing on TV worth watching and I don’t have any decent books to read. I feel empty.

Usually writing makes that feeling go away. But I have to be inspired for it to be any good. I can already tell this will not be a good post. Sometimes eating makes that empty feeling go away (not the “I’m hungry” empty feeling). But I’d like to stop doing that, so I leave the jar of mixed nuts on the edge of my desk alone for the moment.

Hayward is strangling me. I feel confined. I feel like my soul is being slowly siphoned away, while I sit and watch and let it happen. That lust for life that I had while living in Chico is all but gone. My desire to adventure and explore and experience new things and LIVE is slowly disappearing.

These days I’m just an old, uninteresting, slowly-turning-bitter human. I hate that, and I hate that I let myself get this way. I need to snap out of this. Moving is the impetus that I need. I have to move, I must move, and quickly.

Help me.