Pools, Tigers, Bullets, and Dave

Friday afternoon I drove out to Disco Bay to kick it with Dave. We spent the evening killing a 30 pack of Coors Light, BBQ’ing steaks, and playing Tiger Woods 2005. When we were suitably drunk we switched to GTA: San Andreas and played until we passed out.

Saturday morning we woke up and went to Hooters in Pleasanton. Everyone knows that Hooters has a reputation for chicks in short-shorts and not much else, this much is true. However, not everyone knows that Hooters has the best damn Buffalo Wings in the world. Even Dave’s wife agrees–she loves the place. 50 wings and 5 pitchers of beer later we were done. Finished. Stuffed.

Dave and I drove around Livermore, going from Lowe’s to Home Depot, buying shit for his backyard. When we got home we spent the rest of the daylight hours ripping up his backyard and making the landscaping look mo’ pretty. When the sun went down and our work was done, it was time for more Le Tigre.

That game is so addicting. Add some ice cold Silver Bullets, radio remote controllers, and the most comfortable couch in the world and you’ve got one outstanding Saturday evening. I don’t know what time we went to bed that night, but the beer was gone and we were both stumbling.

Sunday morning I woke up and prepared myself for another day of work. When Dave informed me that his wife had a day of shopping/whatever planned instead I was secretly happy that my tired old back was going to get a day off. I came home and spent the rest of the day on the heating pad.

Now it’s Monday morning and I feel great! I’m rested, I’ve got my coffee and a bowl of raisin bran, and I’m ready to… hmmm… what should I do today?

2 replies on “Pools, Tigers, Bullets, and Dave”

  1. Here is a list of things for you to do today:

    VOTE.

    Whack Off.

    Clean Up.

    Read the Newspaper.

    Take a dump.

    Clean Up.

    Call your old friend Rob.

    Play with some bubble wrap.

    Shave your toes.

    Whack off.

    Clean Up.

    Read the dictionary, Look up the word “CARCERAL”.

    Pierce you ball sack.

    GO NEXT DOOR AND ASK TO BORROW A JAR OF VASELINE AND AN ENEMA BAG.

    Watch Divorce court.

    Whack off.

    Clean Up.

    Watch the wether channel.

    Test your urine for ketones.

    Eat a corn dog.

    Call an escort service and ask if they have any chinese bitches.

    Whack off.

    Clean up.

    Play Hot Shots Golf 4.

    Take a nap.

    Send a long email to your old friend Rob.

    Lick a battery.

    GET NAKED AND SQUAT OVER A MIRROR.

    CLEAN YOUR EARS.

    Have a glass of pinot grigio out of your neigbors enema bag.

    Go to Home Depot and buy some paint (Seafoam green)

    Paint your rifle.

    SUCK A LEMON

    HUG A MEXICAN

    Rent a porn…fast forward to the fisting.

    Buy a Motley Crue CD.

    Suck the jelly out of a donut. Stuff Resses PB cup in the hole and microwake it for 18 seconds. ENJOY.

    Go to the local Victoria Secret and sniff around. Grab a pair of panties and ask the girl at the counter” Excuse me, will blood wash off of these?”

    Whack off.
    CALL IT A NIGHT. (Don’t bother cleaning up.)

  2. That’s pretty funny Rob =)

    Now, I’m no fan of W. That said, my money’s on Bush for next president of the U.S.

    It’s going to be very close I’m sure. And we probably won’t know who wins for sure for several weeks. However, it ain’t gonna be Kerry.

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