I’m sitting in my apartment, trying to read, thinking about all the shit I’ve got to do before graduation. I’m only 1 book, 4 papers, 1 presentation, and 1 exam away. AND I’ve only got 7 days to do it. I made a schedule, I got organized, I planned each day and what I had to do.

Today was Friday, my last day of lecture. As I sat in class I could not pay attention. I kept thinking to myself, “This is the last time I’ll ever do this.” I looked to my two favorite surfer girls from San Diego and thought, “I’ll never see them again.” I couldn’t pay attention. I fought back tears. I tried to put on a happy face and keep it together.

At the end of the lecture I wore my best smile and said goodbye to my friends. I tried not to think about things. I tried to keep it together–I didn’t want to cry. I made my way to the bookstore and picked up my cap and gown. I should have been happy, excited, carefree–and yet I was not.

I’ve felt so sad today. So sad that this is all coming to an end. Sad that I won’t see my new friends. Sad that I’ll never talk to them again. Sad that the comfort of being a college student is no more. I’m sad for all these things.

Needless to say I felt like partying; not doing my work. I have a million things to do and a short time to do them. And yet, I could not get to work. Janden called early, while I was at the gym. He called again on my way home, and twice during dinner. Kellie called too. And again, and again. My friends were going out drinking tonight, and I should have stayed home. I could not, and I did not.

Finally, at 11pm, Kellie called–this is the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

“We’re going down to Duffy’s to meet Janden. You coming?”

Shit. Fucking shit. I’ve got work to do. I can’t go out tonight. If I go out I won’t get anything done, I’ll be hung over tomorrow, and I won’t get anything done tomorrow either. I need to stay home.

“Not tonight, maybe tomorrow. I’ve got too much shit to do, Kellie.” I explained.

“OK, well, see you at Duffy’s!” she replied.

Dammit. She knows me too well. I sat there a moment, thinking. Shouldn’t I stay home? Don’t I have work to do?

I got in the shower. I’m not going out, I told myself. I’m just taking a nice refreshing shower. I got out, I put on some clean clothes, and I grabbed my essentials–wallet, keys, cell phone, knife. I started walking towards the door, damnit.

I walked out the door.

Fucking shit. I can’t go out tonight, I told myself. I made a bee-line for Duffy’s. “What are you doing, Tom?” I asked myself. 15 minutes later I was at Duffy’s. I bought a beer and looked for my friends.

Janden was playing pool with a super-cool gal I’ve seen before, but never met. Kellie and Sierra were sitting at a table, drinking beer, and chatting. I made my way over to them and poked Kellie in the back.

“Whassap dude?!?!??!”

“TOM!!!!!”

Awww yeah. It’s good to be the king.

The beer and rum flowed like wine, as usual. I entertained Kellie and Sierra with my best material, pausing for shots of motherfucking rum and bottles of beer. When the bar closed we all went back to my messy apartment for clam dip.

Kellie and Sierra soon left. Janden and his ladyfriend, Lainey, the coolest chick on Earth, hung out for a bit. We talked about life, and shit, and had a good time. We listened to Coltrane and Sinatra, Joan Jett and A-Ha. Janden and I argued over the rum, and then they left.

And here I am. Drunk. A little dizzy. I know I’ll be hung over tomorrow, and I know I won’t get to all the shit I planned on doing. I should have stayed home tonight and worked on my shiz. But you know what?

Fuck it. I’m glad I went out. You’re only young once, folks. In the game of life, there are no do-overs. I choose to live.