“There will be a test in two weeks; this will be an essay test,” announced my History of Mexico professor. “The test will cover all of Paul Garner’s book, Porfirio Diaz: Profiles in Power.”

Yeah yeah, uh huh. I yawned and stretched in my most uncomfortable seat in the back of the classroom. I liked it back here, in the back row. I can remain anonymous. And I get to check out every girl in the room.

“I will ask you two questions on the test, but you only have to respond to one. Now let’s begin today’s lecture…”

OK, you’ve got two weeks to read a book you should have already finished by now. However, the author sucks, it is quite boring, and you just can’t bring yourself to read through it. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t tried–I have!

So I’ve got two weeks left to read this book. Do you think I started my reading early? Of course I didn’t. I waited until the day before the exam.

Deep breath. OK. I start out with my pencil and highlighter. I make notes in the margins as I read. I highlight the key phrases and paragraphs. OK I’m doing good. Jesus this guy is boring. The last author was so much better, I couldn’t put the book down.

Then my mind starts to wander. I’m thinking about that girl I met at the gym. Hey she was pretty cool. Ah shit, what did I just read?

I scroll up the page and realize I haven’t retained half of what I just read. So I start over, from the top and begin to read again.

“The summary execution of political oponents in Veracruz attracted only limited comment in the contemporary press.”

I wonder how Monica’s doing? The pictures of her baby are so cute! I loved the one she sent me last week. Adam, her son, was sleeping. He had his right hand up beside his face. Monica had arranged his fingers so that he was flipping the camera the bird. “Starting him off early” she put at the bottom of the page. Ah shit, what did I just read?

Scroll up the page. I’ve daydreamed through at least half of it, so I start over, again, from the top.

“The summary execution of political oponents in Veracruz…” Oh fuck it, I can’t read this.

So I look in the table of contents. Oh hey look, each chapter has a short, one page conclusion/review at the end. I’ll just read that.

30 minutes later, I’m done with the book. I go to my favorite bar, Joe’s, and have a bloody mary. I watch ESPN and flirt with my favorite bartendress. I eat peanuts in the shell, and throw the husks on the sawdust ridden floor. Can I have some green olives please Holly? Love ya hon.

The next day I show up to class. I take my exam and bullshit my way through the entire essay.

Two more weeks pass, which brings us to today. I got my exam back.

B+

Thanks.

I’m perfectly happy with B’s and the occasional A. Even the occasional C doesn’t bother me. I’ve got much better things to do than worry about things like grades. Like drink bloody marys and flirt with bartendresses.

In fact, I think I’ll go to Joe’s right now.